


A Really Thin Line Between Love and Hate

by whyidontknow1



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-15
Updated: 2013-07-15
Packaged: 2017-12-20 06:39:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/884130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whyidontknow1/pseuds/whyidontknow1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically just another interpretation of how their relationship started. Harry hates Louis because he is always embarrassing and ridiculing him, but maybe that's not the real reason he hates Louis, maybe he doesn't hate Louis at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Really Thin Line Between Love and Hate

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. This is a very bad and way too long product of my overactive imagination filled with ANGST and hate before love. My favorite things about fics.  
> 2\. All grammar and punctuation mistakes are mine.  
> 3\. Not a doctor/made it up (Niall's knee) and please forgive me for my first attempt at this.  
> 4\. Awful at smut (near end of story) and cursing.  
> 5\. A little Ziam at the end.  
> 6\. This is not date or event specific. I know the boys don't live in the same building anymore, but here they do because it's fiction.

A Really Thin Line between Love and Hate

Harry's furious. Lip biting, skin pinching furious, and they still have another interview to get through. He's barely making it through this one without exploding. 

They're currently promoting their upcoming world tour which is set to kick off in a little over eight weeks. Something he should be excited about, but thanks to a certain someone most of the time he’s filled with anger and anxiety. He's absolutely lost at how he’s come to the point where one person has the power to make him so angry that at times he feels violent, and whoever thought of smashing them together on a sofa is an idiot.

Right now Harry’s sitting on one of the infamous sofas crammed in with his bandmates, and he's so mad his vision actually went red for a few seconds. It's a good thing management's taken to separating him and his nemesis in interviews otherwise things probably would have gotten ugly a while ago. Today Zayn's the lucky person sat between them, and it’s a good thing because Harry's pretty sure if their bandmate weren’t in between them his hands would probably be around the arsehole’s neck.

Lately the suffocating anger is almost overwhelming, and it takes less and less to set him off. Most of the time, no make that all of the time, Louis frigging Tomlinson is the cause and object of his rage. Harry's always being teased about his acting skills since the ICarly episode, but he secretly enjoys having the last laugh knowing no one has a clue that he hates Louis’ guts. A hate so strong that sometimes it is in danger of consuming him. A hate that currently has him chewing the inside of his jaw to shreds to keep from spouting off and finally putting the prick in his place. It would be so easy to do. Harry knows he alone has the power to rip Louis to bits, but he’s not ready or willing to deal with the consequences.

Doesn't change the fact that he detests almost everything about Louis, and the thing about he hates the most is Louis' never ending attempts to humiliate him. Harry's at a point where he believes Louis’ sole mission in life is to make him look like an idiot. Sometimes it's a cryptic remark. Sometimes when Harry's responding to a question Louis goes above and beyond to make sure everyone knows he's not paying attention. He'll make it more evident by whispering something to one of the other boys, but being Louis he can't stop there. When he's in rare form he’ll interrupt Harry while he’s answering a question or jump in and answer himself. Which is exactly what he did a few minutes ago, and now Harry's ready to throttle him.

_"So Harry who's your favorite band at the moment?"_

Harry knew the interviewer was just doing his job, but he dreaded those kinds of questions. Because his taste in music was eclectic he knew he sounded snobbish sometimes, and he hated it. Still he answered if a certain someone gave him a chance. Today he didn't, and before he could answer Louis cut in sounding condescending as usual.

_"Oh no here we go lads. I’m sure they'll have some outlandish name like Vertigo Martians or Maple Syrup Flytrap."_

Of course the interviewer and the other boys laughed. They always did. It was even more ridiculous because Louis knew the real answer.

_“Actually it’s Imagine Dragon, and their music is really good.”_

Harry kept his focus on the interviewer when he answered, and following the pattern that's become a regular in their interviews . Louis took an exaggerated breath and rolled his eyes before whispering loudly, “I told you so," which as expected elicited more laughter from the group.

That's how it's been for months now. Louis humiliates him, the boys laugh, and Harry deals or zones out. Today he zones out. He loses focus while the interviewer continues asking questions, and no one notices the slight flush to his cheeks or the tension in his shoulders. To hide his anger he keeps his face down as he fidgets with the bracelets on his left wrist.

The interviewer thanking them for coming pulls Harry out of his dark thoughts. He takes his cue from his bandmates and stands with them to exchange a few meaningless words with the interviewer until the credits end. When it's his turn he shakes the man's hand before walking away with the intention asking one of their handlers a question, but Liam is already deep in conversation with him.

Harry halts midstride to look around. As usual Louis and Zayn are huddled together, and Niall talking to Pablo, another one of their handlers. Harry immediately sees it as an opportunity to get away for a few minutes.

He lets out a deep breath when he enters the corridor outside the studio. He thought he had escaped, but luck is apparently not on his side. He's only taken a few steps when he hears the voice he’s come to detest call out to him.

“Where are you off to so fast Haz?” Louis throws an arm around Harry’s shoulders when he catches up to him, ignoring the fact that Harry's almost a good head taller than him.

“Bathroom,” Harry lies, looking down at the person he now considers an enemy. Resisting the urge to shake his arm off.

“Could you hold off for a bit? Liam wants to have a little talky amongst the boys.”

“Sorry mate, but I really have to go to the loo,” Harry responds with a hint of desperation.

“So what you’re actually saying is I’ve gotta use the loo Lou,” Louis laughs at his own attempt at humor.

“So I’ll catch up to you guys in a bit, yeah?” Harry answers, only giving a small smile in response to the pun that doesn't reach his eyes.

“Sure we’ll just wait for you in the studio," Louis drops his arm and steps back, no longer smiling.

Harry accepts the move as permission to continue on his quest to get away from the boy who's become the bane of his very existence, but he's interrupted from completing his escape by Louis calling out to him once more. “Harry is everything okay…are you alright?”

He runs his fingers through his over styled hair before shoving the same hand in his pocket. The smallest hint of concern in his eyes and voice.

“I’m good. Just really need to take a piss Lou,” Harry lies again, turning to look at his menace. “Why?”

“No reason,” Louis says, the concern still in his eyes.

“Okay,” Harry ends it there. He turns to continue on his quest, deciding right then that he really would go the restroom. He doesn't look back.

If he had he would have found Louis standing in the same place, staring at him with an even more worried frown on his face.

\----

Harry closes the door to bathroom and he falls against the wall with his eyes closed. “Shit, shit, shit,” he thinks, the words repeating over and over in his mind. He leans forward to place his hands on bent knees while taking deep breaths. Despite what he said to Louis he won't be in a rush to rejoin him and the other boys for the “little talky”.

“Selfcentered prick,” Harry mutters to himself after he takes one last deep breath. “Bloody idiot!” he grunts aloud in the bathroom. How could someone be so fucking clueless? Even worse how could he have once thought Louis was everything?

It hadn’t always been like this. He hadn’t always hated Louis. Far from it. There was actually a time when Harry believed the moon and the stars hung on him. The connection was strong and undeniable from the first meeting, but he was drawn to Louis before they met. He would trail this ball of energy whenever he spotted him in the crowds during auditions with sort of a weird fascination. It kind of escalated after they met. Louis had the kind of personality that automatically drew people to him, and Harry wasn't immune. He was so drawn to Louis in the beginning his mum had become a little concerned for him. Then she got to know Louis for herself. and any reservations she had disappeared. In a complete about face she encouraged the friendship. She said knowing Harry had Louis gave her a sense of peace with him being away from home at such a young age.

For Harry sometimes close seemed too mild of a word to describe how attached he was to Louis, but it was okay because Louis was the same with him. They were together so much that even if their names were brought up in conversation it was always HarryandLouis or LouisandHarry, never just Louis or Harry. They didn't help by becoming joined at the hip. Still they were the only two surprised when Cher dared them to a kiss during a game of truth or dare in the Xfactor house.

It was Louis' first same sex kiss, and looking back Harry wishes he would have chosen truth because the incident opened a door that took him a long time to shut. 

\----

_"Truth or dare," Cher points at Harry expectantly._

_"Dare," Harry responds nervously, but he's more afraid of being asked a truth he's not ready to reveal._

_Cheryl starts clapping like she’s won a prize before pointing to Louis. “Two minute snog," she yells causing everyone else in the room to join in on the her silly clapping._

_As usual Louis is sitting right beside Harry, and it's a toss up of who looks more shocked, but after a few uncomfortable seconds Louis simply shrugs his shoulders. Then he leans in with a sly look on his face, and although he's bundle of nerves Harry follows his lead and leans in until their lips meet._

_Two minutes turns out to be a very long time._

_Probably for about the first twenty seconds their eyes stay open, blue focused on green, their lips not moving. Then Louis’ eyelids flutter and he tilts his head causing his lips to move across Harry’s. The slight movement causes Harry’s pulse to speed up. His heartbeat to take a nosedive, and with no objection from him Louis he takes control of the kiss. He places a hand on the back of Harry’s neck pulling him in closer, and responding to the feel of Louis’ tongue tracing his bottom lip Harry opens his mouth to give him as much freedom as he wants._

_The initial slide of Louis’ tongue against his causes Harry to gasp. In turn Louis hesitates, but before he can pull back Harry moves his tongue to mimic Louis' caress, and a full on snog ensues until Liam calls time._

_When they pull apart they get cheers and calls for a repeat performance, but when Harry would have leaned back in for another kiss Louis makes a big show of wiping his hand across his mouth. "Too bad I already have a girlfriend," he wiggles his eyebrows and winks._

_Harry laughed along with everybody else, but inside he was weirded out by the fact that he almost went in for another kiss. Especially when the first one had only been a big joke to Louis. With more effort than it should have taken that’s all Harry finally let the kiss mean to him._

\----

If possible they became even closer after the kiss. Before that night they were HarryandLouis to everybody else, but after the kiss they became HarryandLouis to each other. 

Harry loved people and people loved him so it wasn't like Louis was the first close friend he’d ever had. He was just the first person Harry felt safe enough with just to be him. Louis made him feel like he didn’t have to hide any part of himself, and it made it easy to tell him very early on in their friendship that his first serious relationship was with a senior footballer that lasted almost two years. 

Louis proved hopeless in every area of domesticity leaving Harry to become their resident chef, housecleaner, and laundry person. Not that he'd minded in any way, but the one aspect of living with Louis he came to enjoy the most were the cuddles. He learned in the Xfactor house that Louis liked to hug and snuggle just as much as he did, but they only did it at night when they were too hyped or too anxious to sleep, and very much away from prying eyes.

When they moved in together the cuddles became more frequent, less room or time specific, and sometimes in the dark of night the cuddles turned into talks about whatever subject that would lead to them to drowsiness. Usually conversations bout their hopes and dreams for the future and the band, or the worries and fears they had despite the incredible lives they were living. Then there were times when the quiet of the night and the security of darkness gave them the boldness to share their deepest secrets.

\----

They had been living together about six months when on one of those nights Louis shocked Harry with a huge confession. It was a little after two in the morning, and rain was beating against Harry’s bedroom window. Louis had almost gone to Doncaster that morning, but for some reason turned around and came back much to Harry’s relief. 

Back then he hadn’t liked staying in the apartment without Louis, and he’d pretty much stayed glued to Louis’ side the whole day, not willing to let his best friend change his mind. When they decided to go to bed Harry didn’t even give Louis the option of going to his own room, but Louis didn't seem to mind. He never did when it came to sleeping with Harry.

_He was laying with his back pressed to Harry’s chest, his favorite position to cuddle in when they were in the bed. His head was resting on Harry’s arm, and he was nervously fiddling with Harry’s fingers. Their legs were bent at the knees and spooned together, but Louis would or could not be still. Finally after a few minutes he turned to face Harry, folding his arms around his waist almost protectively._

_The only illumination in the room came from the small amount of light in the hallway visible from the bedroom door. Louis always left a crack in the door because he couldn't sleep in complete darkness._

_“Are you okay Lou,” Harry asks, reaching up to squeeze the his shoulder. Louis doesn’t respond, he just continues to stare at Harry, and when he starts to bite down on his lower lip Harry tries again. “Talk to me,” he urges, starting to feel and sound worried._

_Louis sighs loudly. “I do have something to tell you Harry. I’m just worried it might change things for us. At the same time I can’t say you’re my best friend and keep the biggest part of me from you,” he mutters._

_“Louis please,” Harry pleads, worry settling in the pit of his stomach. Up until now he thought he knew everything there was to know about his best friend and flatmate._

_“Okay, but you have to promise that you’ll just listen and try not to be angry,” Louis scoots back to put a little distance between them. “I’m gay,” he rushes out, never taking his eyes off Harry._

_For a minute Harry doesn’t fully grasp the words, but when he does he can only sputter “What!” and a few seconds later, “You’re joking me, yeah?” which he immediately regrets when Louis’ eyes fill with tears._

_“No, Harry I’m not joking,” he says, voice quivering, and having no clue what to say Harry chooses honesty. “Louis you have to know after all this time this is a shock, and I don’t know what to say.”_

_“You’re saying more than you know,” Louis lets out dejectedly before moving to get off the bed._

_“Louis no,” Harry groans, reaching out and pulling his friend back until they're in their original spooning position, but this time Louis holds his body stiff and unmoving. “I won't apologize for being shocked by this,” Harry continues, holding on tighter when Louis tries to move away again, “but I am apologizing for causing you to believe that anything you tell me would stop me from being your friend or change our friendship. You’re the best and most special friend I’ve ever had and I love you. Nothing could ever change that."_

_Louis turns and wraps his arms around Harry’s neck. He holds on tight, and Harry holds on even tighter. He feels like a total jerk when he feels the wetness from Louis’ tears seep through the material of his t-shirt, finally remembering how hard it had been for him to make the same confession._

_‘’How long have you known? I mean you’ve only ever talked to me about girls,” Harry says quietly, knowing it's not the most tactful way to end the silence after Louis stopped crying, but his mind is all over the place._

_“I’ve always known; I don’t really know how to explain it. I guess I just ignored it. I thought it was phase that would eventually go away,” Louis responds sadly._

_“The girlfriends?"_

_“More ignoring and hoping I guess,” Louis releases Harry to turn and lie on his back. “I mean I really liked them and enjoyed spending time with them. I even enjoyed the sex, but there was never really an urge to take things to that point,” he faces Harry again. “I would have been just as satisfied without it.”_

_“But you did it anyway?” Harry asks, trailing off when he saw his friend wince._

_“Yea, but what would it look like if I had refused. I would've also had to do some serious soul searching. At that point I wasn’t ready to,” Louis sighs, ending with a dry laugh. “Besides it wasn’t awful. It just wasn’t what it should've been.”_

_“Is this why you broke things off with Hanna?” Louis told Harry distance was the cause of the breakup, and he believed him._

_“No I was honest about that at least,” Louis says._

_“How can you be so sure, I mean how do you know you’re not like me?” Harry asked, referring to his bisexuality._

_“Sorry Haz, but I'm hundred percent sure I’m gay. Now more than ever,” Louis responds confidently, his voice going soft and whispery towards the end._

_“And what brought about this great epiphany?” Harry tries to interject some humor into the conversation, but truth be told he's still in a little shock. “Or who,” he adds, the thought coming to him that it may be a someone instead of a something inspiring Louis._

_“How exactly do you know you’re bi?” Louis asks, sounding guarded._

_“Because I just do,” Harry can't formulate a better answer because he's just as attracted to girls as he is boys. In any event he's more focused on the fact that Louis didn't say if there was a who._

_“Same here, " Louis shoots back, and some time passes before Harry speaks again._

_“Louis when I told you about me did it change how you felt about me or how you saw our friendship?” Harry still can't understand why Louis dreaded telling him of all people._

_“If anything it made me respect and appreciate you more,” Louis declares._

_“Then how could you believe this or anything else could change how I feel or think about you?” Harry searches Louis’ eyes for the answer, truly confused and a little hurt._

_“Because I knew then Harry, but I couldn't admit it even knowing how much it would have meant for you to have that kind of support,” Louis drops his gaze to Harry’s chest._

_“Come here Lou,” Harry pulls his best friend into another tight hug. “Never doubt that you were just what I needed you to be. You listened, and you were so understanding. You didn’t make me feel bad or ashamed, and that meant the world,” he confesses, gently massaging Louis’ back. “Still does. I haven’t ever told you, but having your support gave me the courage to tell Liam, Zayn, and Niall,” he continues, voice wavering, “so me knowing then that you’re gay wouldn’t have mattered one bit. Can’t even see how it would have factored in at all to be honest."_

_“I know most of what you just said was for my benefit, but I’m so lucky to have you,” Louis sighs and buries his face in Harry’s neck. “Don’t know what I ever did to deserve you.”_

_“I’m glad I have you too,” Harry says, yawning when Louis resumes their spooning position._

_“Don’t go getting your hopes up sweet Harold because curly headed freaks aren’t my type,” Louis teases, and startles when Harry lets out a loud guffaw._

_“I’m really crushed Lou,” Harry responds after his laughter died down, and if in the deep deep recesses of his mind the thought slips in that he might actually be a little crushed, it's almost forgotten by the next morning._

_Almost._

\----

Harry returned the favor Louis extended to him. He became very protective of him and his secret.

Unlike him Louis wasn't worried about their bandmates accepting him. When Harry finally told them they were just as accepting as Louis and just as protective. Louis' main worry was their reaction when they realized two members in the band weren't straight. Two members whose sexuality and relationship was already widely speculated about, but when he did tell them it turned out to be just another thing that drew them closer together as a band.

Management didn't handle it nearly as well when they went to them as a united group. A month later Louis had a girlfriend named Eleanor Calder, but at least that was better than the manwhore they made Harry out to be in the media. Until he started hating Louis his reputation was the only thing to make him regret joining the band.

An elderly man comes opens the door, interrupting Harry's musings. The man gives Harry a brief smile despite appearing to be in a hurry.

Harry pushed off the wall, moving to the sink to splash water on his face, wondering where the Louis he loved more than anything disappeared to. Sometimes the desire to be in that place again rises up so strong in Harry it makes him weak. The last time was a couple weeks ago when he’d been sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal after a particularly awful night of not being able to sleep.

Thinking Louis was still dozing he was shocked when a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind. Despite knowing who it was Harry couldn’t stop himself from reaching and wrapping his own arms around Louis. He went as far as holding on when Louis would have moved away. The sudden need to for the contact so powerful he almost moaned in anguish. In that second the anger didn’t matter, the hate didn’t matter. All that mattered was holding on, and for a minute it felt like Louis was holding on just as tight.

The next time he tried to let go Harry let him, but Louis didn't make it easy. He ran his hands slowly up Harry’s arms, trailing up to his shoulders lightly caressing his neck and the sides of Harry’s face only stopping when he reached his head. Once there he used his hands to massage Harry’s scalp, pulling a little before letting go. Exactly the way he knew Harry loved, and when Louis sat down at the table with his own bowl of cereal and smiled at him Harry smiled back. Not the fake ones that he’d become good at, but a genuine smile.

Sadly those moments don’t last long because Louis never fails to jerk him back to reality. Just like he did today.

Looking in the mirror Harry sees in his face what this thing with Louis is doing to him. He's thinner from skipped meals, the shadows beneath his eyes from an increasing lack of sleep are still visible despite concealer, and the openness that was said to be one of his most appealing assets is now replaced most of the time with a guarded weariness.

After a quick glance at his watch Harry realizes he probably doesn’t have long before they send a rescue party to search him out, and after splashing his face he dries his face and hands with the rough paper towels from the dispenser. He throws the waddled up paper in the trash, mentally shakes himself. As soon as the “talky” is done with he can escape for real. At least until the next interview.

\----

When he steps back through the studio doors Harry immediately spots his bandmates standing close to where they were just interviewed. He resists the strong urge to turn and flee when they don't spot him immediately. Instead he takes a few minutes to observe the boys he’s gotten so close to since being placed together in the band with them. With the exception of Louis they’re more like his brothers now.

Liam's talking, and whatever he’s saying has their undivided attention. As usual he’s smiling, but it looks like more of a cross between a frown and a leer. Zayn, looking like he’s just left a photo shoot, appears to be interested, but his eyes are saying speed it up please. Niall's standing on crutches due to a sprained knee, and he's eagerly nodding. That gives Harry the biggest clue to what's being discussed because Niall only gets that excited over food and alcohol. Although food trumps alcohol every time. Then last and most definitely least there's Louis. Surprising he's not bouncing all over the place like he usually is. He's listening to Liam with a small frown knotting his eyebrows together. 

“I guess there really is a time and place for everything," Harry mumbles, making his way over to join the conversation. He insinuates himself between Louis and Zayn when he reaches them, quickly recalling a time when he would have thrown an arm around Louis’s shoulder and pulled him closer instead of just standing next to him with his hands placed in the front pockets of his jeans.

Naturally Louis has no such qualms, and immediately links his arm through Harry’s to pull him closer. “Look who finally decided to join us,” he says brightly, looking up at Harry, his blue eyes shining with fond.

"What on earth were you doing for that long?” Zayn asks, nudging him with his elbow.

“Didn’t take that long,” Harry answers slowly, smiling and ignoring the fact that a fifteen minute plus visit to the loo actually could be considered long.

“Hey leave him alone maybe his little tummy was upset,” Louis coos.

“My stomach’s fine, guess I just lost track of time,” Harry gives Louis a tight smile.

“That I believe,” Louis mocks, and the boys to laugh.

“So what’s going on?” Harry asks, back to ignoring Louis. He looks at Liam, but doesn't really care who answers.

“Depends, do you want the good news or the bad news first?” Liam asks.

“Actually I would just like for you to tell me what’s going on,” Harry's in no mood to joke around thanks to the boy holding his arm in a death grip.

“Yeah spit it out Liam times wasting,” Zayn sides with Harry, and Liam holds both of his hands up defensively.

“Okay, okay! So we were just informed that our last interview for today has been cancelled.”

“Yippy!” Niall blurts out, interrupting Liam to hop on the crutches.

“And because Mr. Silly over here has a bum knee they’ve cancelled all rehearsals through the weekend. That gives us tonight and the rest of the weekend off."

“Three and a half days of freedom. Whatever shall we do with ourselves?” Louis asks with just a touch of drama.

“So do you know what that means Harry?” Niall asks, still sounding over the moon excited.

“I get the feeling no matter what it means to me it means something entirely different to you lot,” Harry drawls, looking fondly at Niall.

“You’re right if you aren't thinking this is a perfect opportunity for bonding time,” Zayn throws his arm around Harry’s shoulder, inciting a tug if war over him with Louis.

“And since this is all happened so quickly none of us, including you, have any plans,” Liam adds, an expectant look on his face.

“And...,” Harry lets out slowly, thinking that three days gave them plenty of time to make plans if they really wanted to.

“We realized we haven’t properly bonded in ages while we were talking. Not take advantage of this opportunity would be a crime,” Liam hedges, obviously having been made the ring leader this time. Make that most of the time.

“And...,” Harry repeats, already dreading where the conversation is headed.

“Tonight I thought we'd enjoy a nice home cooked meal at yours and Lou’s. Prepared by you of course, and for payback you get to pick the movies we watch. We won’t even complain if you choose _Love Actually,”_ Liam nods to Zayn once he finished.

“Again,” Louis mutters under his breath.

“Tomorrow we'll hang at mine. Have a game day marathon then an all night movie marathon. We’ll order takeout for lunch and dinner,” Zayn sweetens the proposa, looking at Harry with pretty much the same expectant look Liam had.

“Then we’ll sleep in on Saturday. Get a good day’s rest before partying the night away,” Niall puts in with his two cents.

“Your knee,” Harry points at injured joint.

“All I need is a barstool, a bowl of nuts, a beer or eight, and I’ll be good. Besides I love watching you guys compete for worst dancer ever born.”

“Says the one who thinks the Macarena is a cookie,” Louis retorts.

“It is,” Niall says seriously, causing laughter to erupt.

“Sunday we’ll leave you to your original plans. Louis told us you were only planning to clean a little and lay about,” Liam says when they stop laughing at Niall.

“Actually if you don’t mind the company I’ll being layng around with you since my plans fell through,” Louis interjects before Harry can respond.

“I thought you had some PR stuff with El?” Harry tries to keep the exasperation out of his voice.

“Something came up with her school, said it was really important. So looks like we get extra bonding time,” Louis gushes, giving Harry’s arm a small squeeze.

So what do you say Haz?” Liam asks.

“You mean I actually have a say?” Harry finds humor where he can.

“Of course you have a choice we just hope you choose us,” Liam quips.

“When you put it like that how can I say no," Harry receives cheers and applause from all the boys for his answer.

Really how could he say no without looking like a giant ass. After all Liam, Niall, and Zayn are the primary reason he remains silent and continues with the charade that is HarryandLouis. He could never intentionally put them in a position where they felt they had to choose. He's also selfish enough to admit that he loves being a part of One Direction, and right now he's unwilling to do or say anything that might potentially mess that up, but speaking of giant asses.

“Told you he wouldn’t refuse,” Louis crows, finally removing his arms from Harry’s to reach around him and give Zayn a high five.

“You think you know me so well don’t you?” Harry asks, smiling more at the double meaning behind his question than at Louis. He just hopes he doesn’t live to regret his decision because lately even hearing Louis laugh is almost enough to set him off. “I guess we’d better get going so I can plan this home cooked meal and get to the market. That's if you guys want to eat tonight?”

“Yeah listen to Harry because I’m starving, and me mouth is already watering," Niall says.

“No surprises there mate,” Harry laughs genuinely this time.

“Let's go then,” Liam suggests, reaching over to ruffle Niall’s hair. After a chorus of yeahs they head toward the studio doors to where Paul and the rest of the security team are waiting, and if Harry hadn’t been the first to turn to he might have caught the strange look that passed between Louis and Liam.

Outside the studio they greet the several hundred screaming fans. They sign a few autographs and take a few pictures before they're ushered into the waiting cars. One to take him, Liam, and Zayn home. The other to take Niall to his doctor's appointment with Louis tagging along. They'll give Niall the shot walking without pain come Monday, and One Direction will go back to their regular schedule.

\----

“You picked a real winner with this one Zayn,” Liam teases and rests his head back on Louis' shoulder.

Except for Harry who's in the kitchen they're all sprawled out in his and Louis’ living room watching a boring murder mystery Zayn adamantly chose. He said his sister told him it was bad ass, but thirty minutes into the movie he was paying more attention to his phone. At this point none of them blame him.

Zayn's the only one not sitting on the sofa, choosing to sit in one of the recliners across from the other boys, and he glances at Liam with an annoyed look on his face. “How was I supposed to know when Doniya said it was a bad movie she really meant it was a bad movie?” his voice rises like it often does when he’s irritated or amused.

Louis bursts out laughing. "Yeah I can just hear Doniya saying, "Hey bro this is a baddd movie," he picks, and Liam giggles into Louis' shirt.

"Not how it was you arse," Zayn politely holds up his middle finger.

“You know we could just put on another movie,” Niall offers, laughing along with Liam and Louis.

“Not a good idea mate,” Liam leans across Louis to look at his friend. “Don’t want to get caught up and then have to leave it while we eat.”

“Wonder when that’s gonna be I’m starved,” Niall complains, and they all agree. The tantalizing smells coming from the kitchen making it worse.

\----

In the kitchen Harry smiles as he listens to the back and forth. He might have been reluctant at first, but he's proud of the food he just cooked.

He's decided they’ll eat in the kitchen instead of the dining room. It just seems too formal for tonight besides the kitchen table seats six. That gives them plenty of room to enjoy their food, and it’s not as if this will be the first time they’ve all crowded in the kitchen to share a meal. Far from it as his and Louis’ flat seems to be the group’s main hangout.

Harry sits the homemade rolls he’s just taken out of the oven onto the side counter to cool while he begins to plate the chicken breasts stuffed with portabellas, mozzarella, and spinach.The original recipe for the chicken called for prosciutto instead of mushrooms, but he altered it to respect Zayn's diet. He adds the buttered rice and garlic green beans to the plate before grabbing a bottle of red wine for Louis and Zayn. The chilled bottles of beer for the rest of them are already sitting on the table, and he takes a quick minute to appreciate the hard work he’s put in before calling out to the boys.

“Looks really good Harry,” Niall comes in first, ogling the table. As predicted he's already walking without the crutches though he’s still limping a little.

“S’bout time. I’m so hungry me balls have bout shriveled up,” Louis teases.

“If it’s half as good as it looks and smells we’re in for a treat, “Liam says, and right behind him Zayn nods in agreement to one or all of them.

Harry takes his customary seat next to Louis, and he tells them to dig in after Louis pours the wine into his and Zayn's glasses.

After several ums and wows Liam is the first to comment. “Harry this is awesome,” he groans around a bite of the chicken.

“Not bad Haz,” Louis offers his input.

“So good Harry,” Zayn follows enthusiastically. “You really out did yourself,” he says, going for more of the rice. "I say this made the wait well worth it,” he adds after taking a sip of the wine he and Louis are so fond of. “A toast to the chef,” he raises his glass, and holds it out towards Harry.

“Here here,” Liam salutes Harry with his beer at the same time Louis lifts his wine glass.

“Whatever they said,” Niall adds, but it comes out sounding more like "wafevataysid" because his mouth is stuffed with some of everything, and as usual no one is immune to his antics. “What?” he looks up from his food to find the cause of the boys’ laughter, and when they only laugh harder he shrugs his shoulders before returning his attention to his food.

“Thanks guys, I’m really glad you like it,” Harry says when the laughter dies down, and for a while the only sounds come from the knives and forks scraping against the plates as they quietly enjoy their meal.

Harry takes a sip of his beer, looking around the table in the process, and it's obvious the compliments they gave him were honest. It’s moments like these that make him almost forget that he hates the boy sitting next to him. “Don’t ruin it,” he begs silently, discreetly crossing his fingers under the table.

“Sure hope there’s enough left over for later,” Niall breaks the amicable silence, giving his mouth a much needed break.

“Made sure there’d be enough extra for you Nialler,” Harry smiles warmly at his friend. He's pretty certain Niall will be the only one to want or even be able to handle more food tonight, and he hasn't mentioned the chocolate trifle for dessert. “Besides you may not want anything else seeing there’s a chocolate trifle for dessert," Harry doubts it'll make a difference, but he tries anyway.

“You have to be kidding me!” Niall eyes are as big as saucers.

“I don’t think I could. Don’t think I even should, but I am,” Zayn exclaims, rubbing his stomach.

“I feel you,” Louis nods in agreement, winking at Zayn. 

“And you have to give me the recipe for the chicken so I can pass it on to my mum,” Zayn brings the subject back to the food in front of them, and Harry nods, a slight blush beginning to form on his face from all the compliments. 

“Yeah seriously Harry, how did you keep the chicken so moist?” Liam asks, his plate almost empty. Face heating up even more Harry's just about tell Liam that it was a process of continually basting the chicken and keeping it covered with foil until it's ready to be browned when Louis interrupts.

“If you guys keep it up our Harold here will have an ego the size of his bank account,” he smiles at Harry, nudging him with an elbow like they're sharing some kind of inside joke. Naturally the obligatory laughter erupts from the boys, but Harry’s mood goes from warmly appreciative to livid. “I’m surprised you didn’t make us dress out and eat in in the dining room,” Louis continues, his eyes twinkling. “Couldn’t do simple could you Haz, had to make us a meal that belongs on the menu of a four star restaurant didn’t you?”

“Aim to please Lou,” Harry tries to remain calm.

“I for one am glad he didn’t do simple,” Zayn says for Harry’s benefit, but he's smiling at Louis.

Harry looks down to hide the anger he knows is visible in his eyes, and appetite gone he only plays with the food on his plate. After a few minutes he pushes away from the table to empty the remains in the garbage disposal, and because he doesn't want to go back to the table he turns the burner on for the tea kettle, and starts the coffee maker. He grabs bowls and mugs from a cabinet near the stove, and spoons from a drawer near the sink.

“Oh let’s not forget the chef also made us a dessert fit for a king,” Louis says jovially, and becoming more and more irritated Harry takes a deep breath before turning back to his friends. Because Niall is still eating he reaches out for Liam’s and Zayn’s plates, taking them back to the sink to rinse out, and by the time he's done Niall's finally ready to relinquish his plate. Louis gives him his as well, but before Harry can get them in the dishwasher the tea kettle sounds.

He sits both plates in the sink to take care of later and removes the kettle from the burner. The boys are still raving over the meal when Harry takes the bowls from the counter, but not before removing one and putting it back in the cabinet. He places the other four bowls along with the spoons on to the table, and then retrieves the trifle from the fridge.

Niall eagerly grabs a bowl. “Me first,” he says excitedly, holding the dish out to Harry.

“Sure thing,” Harry momentarily forgets about Louis. Everyone else fills their own bowls while Harry fixes a tray with cream and sugar, more spoons, and the mugs he’d set out for the coffee and tea. He also places a teabag in Louis’ cup before taking the tray to the table.

“Harry I don’t have the words,” Liam says, closing his eyes as he licks chocolate off of his spoon.

“Didn’t think I could enjoy anything more than that chicken, but you’ve outdone yourself again mate,” Zayn follows, and before Louis’ untimely ruining of his mood Harry would have really appreciated the boys’ compliments seeing how special the recipe was to him, but now he only wants to escape the confines of the kitchen.

“Can we please leave the admiration alone for a bit,” Louis groans, rolling his eyes, "I for one don’t relish the thought of having to help Harry carry his head around tomorrow. S’gonna be this big,” he spreads his arms as wide as he could to give the boys a visual, and of course more laughter.

His mood becoming darker Harry decides he should leave the kitchen quickly before he explodes. “Listen guys I’m going to find something on the tele, have a bit of a headache,” he says to no one in particular.

“Not even a little dessert,” Zayn asks as if he can’t imagine how someone could pass on the trifle.

“Maybe later,” Harry keeps walkng towards the entrance.

“You know what they say about people who won’t eat their own cooking?” Louis asks while Harry's still in hearing range, paying more attention to his trifle than his best friend, but maybe he should've been because the comment is the proverbial last straw for Harry.

“No Lou, tell me what do they say about people who won’t eat their own cooking?”

It's obvious from Harry’s tone something's off, and all the boys are watching him with puzzled expressions. For Harry the atmosphere in the kitchen changed the minute Louis started with his snide comments, but all it takes is a calculated question from him, and now the tension in the room is so thick it’s almost visible.

“Could it be they say people who won’t eat their own cooking lose their appetites because they can’t stand to be in the same room with selfish and inconsiderate pricks?” Harry continues without giving Louis a chance to respond to the first question.

"Haz what’s going on?” Louis sounds confused, but it's the fear in his eyes that gives Harry to courage to continue. Louis wouldn't be scared if he weren't guilty.

“Well since you asked so nicely I’ll tell you,"Harry knows he can’t turn back now even if he wanted. Not that he wants to. He walks to the table with purpose then sits in the empty chair directly across from Louis. “Hmm let’s see,” he taps his finger against the side of his head never taking eyes his off Louis. “For starters of all the people in this room who do you think would know exactly how much effort I put into this?” he asks, his eyes blazing with anger. ‘’That would be you Lou,” he answers his own question. “Yes unfortunately that would be you, and you would think that for once in your pathetic little life you could keep your trap shut, but no you couldn’t. Had to have the spotlight for yourself didn’t ya?”

“Harry, no that’s not what I…” Louis starts, only to be interrupted by Harry holding his hand up. “You can apologize all you want and try to make excuses, but you can’t take back words Louis. Frankly it would take a river of apologies to fix the shit you’ve put me through,” he spits.

“Harry what are you even on about?” Zayn asks, astonished. 

“If you really want to know I’ll tell you Zayn,” Harry briefly takes his eyes off Louis to look in Zayn’s direction. “You see I have to put up with his shit all the time," he turns back to Louis, his voice deadly calm, but Liam interrupts him by placing a hand on his forearm.

“Harry I don’t think you want to do this,” he says, his eyes pleading.

“I’m not holding you here Liam,” Harry shakes the hand off. "All of you can leave. That is except for my best friend over here. We’ve got some long over due business to take care of.”

Unsurprisingly no one moves, and Harry continues. “I'm tired of the insults Louis. I'm tired of being the butt of your stupid jokes, and you interrupting me before I can answer a question like I’m some stupid moron,” he says snidely, enjoying the fact that Louis’ face is visibly pale even beneath his tan. “Oh and we can’t leave out the longsuffering sighs and the eye rolls. Those are classic, but wait I don’t have to tell you guys any of this because you’ve been there for every humiliating minute of it, and it’s really fine if you guys think it’s funny. It really is, but it's not funny to me. Hasn’t been for a long time.”

Niall looks back and forth between Harry and Louis several times. “Harry you’re not being fair,” he says sadly.

“Fair! You really want to talk about fair?” Harry asks incredulously. “Okay let’s. It is fair that I have to put up with his crap whenever we're in public?” he leans forward, glaring at Louis. “Or anywhere we are and the focus happens to be on me for more than a single minute. Is it fair that I'm literally sick to my stomach with worry all the fucking time because I know what this little shit is going to do to me the minute he gets the chance?” Harry keeps his eyes focused on Louis because the next question for him and him alone. “Is it fair that I have to put up with your crap in public, but now you’re bringing it home too?” 

“Harry tonight was wonderful," Louis says, his arms are wrapped around his waist and his lower lip is trembling. "You’ll never know how sorry I am that I made you think otherwise, but if you think I could possibly hurt you on purpose or make fun of you for my pleasure then you really don’t know me at all."

Louis' pathetic attempts to defend his actions only serves to make Harry angrier. “You see Louis I think I do know you. After all I am your best friend right?” he responds sarcastically, eyes resembling green ice chips.

“Harry stop this before it’s too late,” Liam pleads, but Harry refuses to even acknowledge him.

“No Liam let him finish,” Louis sounds devastatingly broken.

“Thanks for the permission mate, but it's hardly necessary,” Harry snorts angrily, and without hesitation he goes in for the kill. “I think you’re a rude and crude little prick who has no regard for other people’s feelings. Well my feelings at least,” he overlooks how Louis waves Zayn’s hand away when he reaches out to him. “I think you’re a lost little boy grabbing attention anyway you can get it,” Harry looks at Louis as if he dares him to disagree. “S’not my fault your daddy left when you were a kid,” he digs the knife in deeper.

Everybody at the table except Harry and Louis look horrified, but Zayn is the one who speaks up. “No you did not just fix your mouth to say that,” he sputters, glaring at Harry. He moves his chair back to get up, but Louis reaches out to restrain him. “Please no Zayn,” he begs.

“You don’t have to sit here and listen to this shit Lou,” Zayn tells him.

“It appears that I do,” Louis responds, sounding resigned and looking heartbroken, but Harry continues from where he left off ignoring Zayn, his gaze unwavering from Louis' tortured one.

“I think you're insecure about your voice and your place in the band, and in turn you’ve become jealous of the attention given me. Most of all I think you’re a bully Louis. A bully who gets off on picking at and belittling someone who he thinks is weaker than him,” Harry's so wrapped up in his anger he barely notes the tears falling freely from Louis’ eyes. “And you know Lou there’s nothing I hate more than a self-absorbed, obnoxious bully, and I hate you,” he places heavy emphasis on the last four words. “I just plain hate you”.

Louis’ whole body jerks, and he folds in on himself like he’s been physically punched. A few seconds later he opens his mouth several times as if he’s attempting to say something, but nothing comes out. Giving up he gets up to walk out of the kitchen, but not before grabbing onto the back of Niall’s chair to steady himself.

\----

Harry's chest feels tight. The second Louis left the kitchen the air seemed to compress, and now Harry feels like it takes an extra effort just to breathe.

“Do I even know who you are right now?” Zayn breaks the stunned silence, seemingly unaware that his own face is streaked with tears. He gets up from the table and storms out of the kitchen when Harry just stares at the space Louis just vacated.

Niall is the next to comment, his eyes almost as tortured as Louis’ had been. “I can’t believe what you just did to him. I’m only talking to you right now because might actually believe some of the shit you just said, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to be around you for a while,” he says angrily, but he may as well be to a statue because Harry remains unmoving. Niall exchanges a resigned look with Liam then leaves the kitchen with a sad shake of his head.

Harry never quite understood the phrase about silence being deafening until Niall leaves him and Liam alone in the kitchen, and the room practically screams with unspoken words until Liam speaks out. “Please help me to understand what in the bloody hell just happened?” he asks, his face still showing signs of disbelief. “How could you do that to him Harry? He’s your best friend."

For a few tense minutes it looks as if Harry won’t talk to Liam either, but after a long drawn out sigh he starts speaking. “It’s called standing up for yourself Liam, and it’s not like he didn’t deserve it."

“No Harry he certainly did not deserve that.” Liam voice is clipped. “You practically butchered him?”

“Yeah right, not the invincible Louis Tomlinson,” Harry throws right back, unwilling to feel anything but justified by his actions.

“You saw him. That was broken Harry, not invincible," Liam argues, and having no reply to this Harry only shakes his head in disagreement. “You really have no idea what you did to him do you?”

“What exactly did I do to him Liam?” Harry responds angrily, finally moving his eyes from the spot where Louis had been sitting to look to over to his right at Liam. “All I heard was a victim putting his bully in his place."

“Louis is not a bully, and you’re definitely nobody’s victim Harry. Especially not his.".

“Why not Liam because you say so?” Harry minces out snidely.

“Because it’s true and you know it is,” Liam sounds less patient.

“All I know is that after months of his bullshit it took me not laughing at one of his idiotic jokes today for him to even think something might be off with me,” Harry counters, still determined to see only his side.

“First do you even hear how ridiculous you sound?” Liam asks. “Second this did not just start today. Lou’s been worried about you for a while now Harry. He’s been asking me for months if I thought you were okay or if I noticed a change in your behavior. You had me fooled because I didn’t notice a thing,” Liam says, shaking his head. “So everytime he asked I told he was worrying over nothing, and even today in the studio when I finally did notice that you were acting a little distant I still told him he was being paranoid. I thought I was doing him a favor because I knew he would have been beside himself even more than he already was if I agreed with him,” his voice is filled with guilt.

“So he’s been concerned about his punching bag for a while now. Give the man a cigar,” Harry refuses to give an inch.

“You’re not and never have been his punching bag Harry,” Liam sounds exasperated. “He cancelled the plans with Eleanor on Sunday because he couldn’t be convinced you were okay, and let me tell you he didn’t take just a little shit from management for it. He said you were more important than a little scolding, but I saw how upset he was. You know how they can be, and I can only imagine what he's going to have to do to make up for it.

“His choice,” Harry responds.

“I really don’t understand if this has been such a problem why did you let it go on for so long, and do you really think there’s a balance in what you just did to him and what you think he’s done to you?”

“I didn’t want you guys to ever feel like you had to choose between us,” Harry responds quietly, bringing his middle finger up to his mouth to bite at the nail, ignoring the balance part of the question and Liam’s raised eyebrows. "How’d that turn out for you?" 

“I tried leaving the kitchen, but he wouldn’t shut it. Besides should I have to tell him it hurts me when he's being a prick,” Harry responds, almost whispering at the end, and for the first time mentioning an emotion besides anger.

"Think of how much he adores his mom and sisters. Think about how much they love him. You know how he hates it when the fans have to wait for hours just to get our autographs. Who's the first one to jump at charity work? Think how caring he is if one of us is upset or feels bad. He takes care of us. Especially with Harry. He wouldn't even let Niall go alone to get a simple injection today would he? Think about that Louis then tell me how you can reconcile him with the Louis you’ve just accused him of being.”

“I am thinking Liam,” Harry answers, frowning now, “and all I can think of is why me?” he expresses quietly. “Can you answer that? Why me?”

“I can tell you that you're the very reason he could never do or be any of the things you’ve charged him with. You have to know that Haz.”

“Now who sounds ridiculous?” Harry throws Liam’s earlier words back at him.

Liam only grimaces in response. Maybe it was a smile, but whatever it was he stands up apparently finished with the conversation. He's almost out of the kitchen when he turns back around.

Harry ignores him, but it's not just Liam. Harry's busy pulling and releasing the black rubber bracelet on his left wrist, and the painful sound the band makes when it connects with his skin doesn't even get as much as a grimace.

“I really believe if you would stop being so irrational you'd realize you don’t hate Louis at all, and ironically the reason you don’t hate him is the same reason he couldn’t ever intentionally hurt you. It's so obvious Harry. I could spell it out for you, but it won't do any good until you're ready to face it," Liam speaks somberly, looking down at Harry’s bent head. Seconds pass with nothing but familiar silence, and he gives Harry’s shoulder a small squeeze before he turns once again to leave the kitchen.

\----

Harry has no idea how long he’s been sitting in the kitchen since Liam walked out. Right now all he's aware of is the pain on his wrist from snapping the bracelet against it and how physically drained he feels. He just wishes he was as mentally drained because his mind is bombarded with uneasy questions he can’t answer. 

Shouldn’t he be elated right now? After all he just exposed Louis for what he really is didn’t he? Then why did he look so wrecked? The obnoxious Louis he's been dealing with for months should've given back as good as he got. At least tried to make a joke out of it.

Harry shudders then covers his face with his hands. He can't stand the overwhelming stillness of the kitchen for one more second, and he decides the sanctuary of his bedroom is where he needs to be. He just didn't expect to feel so isolated and alone when he hears the mumbled voices coming from behind Louis' bedroom door.

He hurries into his own room, shutting the door on the noises before flopping down facedown on his bed. A full minute doesn't pass before he lifts his head to look at the alarm clock on his nightstand. It was just after seven when he called the boys in to eat, and it's hard to grasp only an hour and a half has passed since then. 

Harry groans in frustration because the questions in his head are still just as relentless as they were in the kitchen. Why was it so easy for Liam, Niall, and Zayn to dismiss his accusations against Louis? Even as mad as they are Zayn and Niall will come to him when they cool down, but how could they stick up for Louis without even considering his side?

Doesn't change the fact that he firmly believes Louis got what was coming to him. If he could just can’t erase the image of Louis’ face right before he got up from the table. He didn’t have the right to look so devastated, and he definitely doesn’t have the right to make Harry feel like he’s the one in the wrong.

Harry's still having the silent back and forth when he hears a soft knock on his bedroom door. “Yeah,” he says, expecting Liam. Zayn nor Niall will have gotten over their anger so fast, and Louis is just not an option. However when the door opens that's exactly who it is, and Harry's can’t control pulse skyrockets.

The debate is over the instant he gets a good look at the person he just dissected in front of their friends. Harry realizes he made a mistake, and he can't handle it. He can't look at the pain he caused so he turns away, but not before he notices Louis isn't wearing the white jumper he had on at dinner, and he has a brown leather overnight bag hanging off of his arm.

With his back turned Harry's pulse almost returns to normal, but the silence stretches out so long that he thinks Louis left. Just as he's about to turn over Louis clears his throat. “I think it’s best for both of us if I left for a couple of days. I also think, and I’m sure you’ll agree it’s best if one of us moves out. Seeing as I’m the cause for all of this I’ll leave it up to you to decide which one of us that is, but we can discuss that later yeah?” Louis bites down hard on his lower lip, and he lets the bag drop to the floor before stepping further into the room. When he reaches the foot of the bed he sits down and stares at Harry's back.

“Before I go there are some things I need you to know,” Louis sounds sad, but determined. “If you listen to nothing else I say I need you to know I'd never intentionally hurt or embarrass you Harry, but the only way I know how to explain this to you is to start from the beginning."

Harry wants to stop him. He has the urge to turn over and beg Louis to forgive him, but something deep inside stops him from actually doing it.

“I've been in awe of you since the very first moment we met. You were so open and happy, and here I was this loud, jaded, insecure dolt who needed to be the life of the party just to feel accepted, but you saw through it right from the start,” Louis talks, a single tear escaping and sliding down his nose to drop silently on the floor. "You let me be different with you. I didn’t need to make you laugh all the time, I didn’t have to be happy every single blasted second. I could just be me, and it meant so much to me. You meant so much to me Harry, but I took for granted that you would know me. I can’t pinpoint exactly when the teasing started, but I remember being in an interview and you were asked some shit question. I don't even remember the question, but I remember you seemed out of sorts afterwards. I started watching you more after that, and it didn’t take long to see how uncomfortable you’d get when you were asked questions you thought were stupid or too personal or how you dreaded answering sometimes because you didn’t want to sound pretentious. I saw how it was affecting you, and it broke my heart to see you becoming guarded and withdrawn. You were my best friend Harry. The closest friend that I’ve ever had, and I couldn’t bear the thought of anyone or anything changing you. Wasn’t even on purpose the first time I did it. It just happened, but you looked so relieved and your smile was the first real Harry smile I’d seen in days. That's when I knew I needed to protect you from stupid people and stupid questions.”

Harry remembers that interview more clearly than Louis, and the sudden guilt is so heavy he feels like a ton weight is pressing him deeper into the mattress. 

_“So Harry 400’s the magic number, eh?”_

The newness of being the most popular one had worn off long before that question, but it was the first time Harry actually wished he could switch places with one of the other boys. Even if he had slept with as many women as that fucking ridiculous article claimed it wasn't something he'd discuss in an interview with a virtual stranger. That day he knew exactly what Louis did and why he did it, and he had been so grateful. The exact moment that changed is what he can't remember now, and that's the only thing that keeps him silent.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself. I’ve known for months that something’s been bothering you, and maybe if I hadn’t been so full of myself I would have seen I was the problem,” Louis releases a small laugh that sounds a little hysterical. “I was just so high off of being your hero because from the moment we became friends you were mine, and in the end that’s all it ever was. Me trying to protect my best friend in the only way I knew how. Now it’s like I go on autopilot when I see you react, and that’s what happened tonight. I saw you getting more and more uncomfortable with each compliment. I didn’t think twice about it.”

Louis stops talking to stand up, visibly struggling for control. “I guess that’s it,” he walks over to the door to pick up his bag, but he stops to give Harry one last tortured look. “No that’s not it. There’s just one more thing. Do you remember the night I told you I was gay, and you asked me what or who made me know it for sure? I couldn’t tell you then, but the truth is it was a who. I fell in love. I wasn't expecting it, but he so was gorgeous and wonderful. So caring, and just everything about him was amazing. I was lost from the moment I met him. He loved me too, but only as a friend. Told me all the time he never felt so close to another human being before. He told me he trusted me with his life, and coming from this person it was something I treasured. So I never told him I was in love with him. I would rather have him as friend than tell him and lose him, but now I've managed to lose him anyway so I'll tell you,” Louis' voice is a little above a whisper. “It was you Harry. I was in love with you.”

This time when Louis takes a step to leave he keeps going. Fitting with the events of the day if he had just looked back he would have seen Harry trembling uncontrollably on the bed, and if he had just hesitated one minute before fleeing the flat he would have heard a heart wrenching groan that sounded suspiciously like his name.

\----

Harry's a mess.

It's a little after twelve, and less than five hours since his world was turned upside down. Less than five hours since Louis told him he was in love with him, and less than five hours since he realized he doesn’t hate Louis at all. As incredible as it sounds Harry's figured everything out.

The way Louis acted in the kitchen, Liam trying to talk some sense into him, and none of his friends even remotely considering he might be right had already planted the first seeds of doubt, but the small amount of conviction he still had disappeared with four tortured words.

The more Louis continued pouring his heart out the more Harry remembered. Like his best friend's hand always on his waist or at the small of his back to guiding him and letting him know he was always near. He remembered how Louis would quietly signal to Paul or another member of their security team if a fan invaded his space. Louis taking the flack from management to protect him even when he was the instigator. Louis took care of him. He always had, and by the time he said “It was you Harry” Harry was praying the last few months had just been one long nightmare. Louis was his best friend. Someone he loved more than any other person besides his mum and Gemma, and he’d used things Louis told him in secret against him. Things he had never shared with another soul.

It took months for Harry's feelings for Louis to change, but it only took a few seconds for him to realize he was the bad person in all of this. Not Louis. It had never been Louis, but just when he was about to say that out loud Louis started talking about the night he confessed he was gay. Even before he said it Harry knew. He knew Louis was talking about him, and when he confirmed it a few seconds later with the actual words Harry couldn't control the tremors anymore, and the last words Liam spoke to him in the kitchen came rushing back.

Louis could never hurt him intentionally. He couldn't because he was in love with him. Just as fast all the times Harry shut down the less than platonic feelings he had for his best came rushing back making Liam right on all counts. Harry could never truly hate Louis, but if he even came close it was born out of burying feelings he never thought Louis would return. He never thought his best friend would love him back.

With the realization that Louis did love him back came an ache so overwhelming it took over Harry’s entire body. He cried out Louis’ name, but it was wasted attempt. Louis was gone.

\----

Harry's startled out of a fretful sleep by the sound of a closing door, but when he doesn't hear any thing else he thinks he must have dreaming. Seeing that it's two in the morning it's a strong possibility. It's an even stronger possibility that he won't be able to go back to sleep. There's no way he can go back to sleep now.

So many times when he couldn't sleep he went to Louis, but only to ask him to come back to his room with him. The days were long gone when he felt comfortable sleeping in his best friend's bed. That was ruined the one and only time Louis brought somebody back to the flat. After that Harry couldn't even sit on Louis' bed let alone sleep in it. Not when even the memory of that night still had the power to make him see red. Maybe if he had just gone with Louis it wouldn't have happened, but no matter how he pleaded Harry refused. He was just too exhausted, and finally seeing he wasn't getting anywhere Louis gave up only to return a few hours later with an unexpected guest.

_Harry was in the kitchen heating up milk because he couldn’t sleep, but as soon as he turned the burner off he heard a loud noise coming from the direction of the living room. He sat the sauce pan back on the burner he to go and search out the source of the noise, and he almost tripped over his feet when saw Louis making out session on their sofa._

_The sofa they picked out together. The sofa they cuddled and watched television on too many times to count. Harry was even more stunned because Louis was breaking the first rule they made when they moved in. Under no circumstances would they bring anybody over to hook up. They both agreed to it, and even more ironic it was Louis’ suggestion._

_“Louis?” Harry called out before he could stop himself, and after he ended the kiss Louis leaned his forehead against his guest's who happened to be a member of the PR team. He was a minor member, and Harry couldn't remember his name, but he wasn't the one snogging him._

_Louis put a finger to his lips, and made the shhh sound which promptly caused him and Steve, Stephan, Stigman to burst out laughing. When they finally got enough control to stop Louis turned to look at Harry. “Sorry Hazza, thought you’d be asleep," the apology didn’t reach his eyes. Not surprising seeing that he was obviously so drunk he could barely focus._

_“Hello Harry,” Stoney, Stephen, Stewart said sheepishly._

_Before Harry could return the greeting Louis staggered to his feet then reached out to pull PR guy to his equally unsteady feet, and they giggled and stumbled all the way to Louis’ bedroom leaving Harry to stare after them._

_He was so angry he forgot about the milk. He stomped to his room and closed his door not so quietly, but judging from the ridiculous noises coming Louis’ room it would have taken more than a slammed door to get their attention._

_“That should be me," Harry pushed the troubling thought away just as fast he thought it, but it wouldn't go away that easy, and he was still thinking it when he fell asleep._

_Thankfully when he walked out of his room that morning he was greeted by blissful silence. Seeing the bedroom door opposite his slightly opened he was pretty sure PR guy was gone since Louis had never been able to sleep with his bedroom door closed all they way, and Harry was certain that he wouldn’t divulge that fact to just anyone._

_He was in the kitchen eating a piece of toast when Louis stumbled in and sat down across from him. He placed his forearms on the table and threw his head in the opening. After a few minutes of silence he lifted his head just enough for his eyes to be visible over his arms. “Help me Harrryyy. Tea please.”_

_After getting only a few hours of sleep, thanks mostly in part to a very hungover someone sitting across from him, Harry was in no mood to be generous and he gave Louis a look that said you have got to be kidding._

_“What?” Louis asked._

_“Did you have fun?” Harry's voice was cold as he got up from the table to take his plate to the sink, turning on the kettle as he passed by the stove. Louis groaned behind him obviously so hung over he couldn't even handle the teeniest noise. However Harry could. The groan reminded him of the noises that kept him up, and he knew very well what he was doing when slammed the cupboard door shut after grabbing a mug for Louis’ tea._

_“What the actual shit Harry! What is your problem?” Louis cried out, holding his head like it was about to fall off. Harry grabbed a teabag and put it in the mug before sitting it none to gently in front of Louis._

_“My problem is we had an agreement. Remember no bringing any of our hookups back to the flat,” Harry said angrily, green eyes flashing. “I didn’t think it was necessary, but when you insisted I agreed,” he continued angrily_

_“I’m sorry,” Louis at least looked embarrassed, but that was before the tea kettle whistled. Then he just looked like he was in pain, but it wasn't enough to satisfy his roommate._

_“Do you know how many times I’ve turned down opportunities because of that stupid agreement?” Harry asked, walking over to the stove to lift the kettle and pour the hot water into Louis’ cup._

_“It’ll never happen again I swear. Please don’t be angry. I know I messed up,” Louis pleaded, his face was pale and desperate. Still wasn't enough to appease Harry. For some reason he couldn't let it go, but when he attempted to put the kettle back on the stove Louis reached out and grabbed him. "Hazza please."_

_Suddenly Harry didn't have the energy to argue any more. He just really wanted to try for a little more sleep. “Make up your mind Louis. Can we or can’t we bring people back here?” Done talking he pulled his arm away and walked out of the kitchen without waiting for a reply._

_He was almost asleep when a freshly showered Louis pulled back the covers and climbed in bed with him. "No I don’t want to start bringing people back here. It was a huge stupid mistake,” he said, looking just as tired and sleepy as Harry. “By the way nothing happened. Thankfully we were both too drunk to do anything."_

_“You're forgiven,” Harry answered, too tired to even consider holding a conversation or worry about the relieved sensation that settled in the pit of his stomach._

_Louis turned on his side before fitting his back to Harry’s chest, and out of habit more than any other reason Harry placed his hand on Louis’ hip before surrendering fully to much needed sleep._

\----

Despite his willingness to forgive Harry was still angry when he woke up that morning, and he wanted to hurt Louis as much as he was hurting. Instead he just pulled his best friend closer, and when they woke up a little later he fixed them both a late lunch.

Now that Harry's free to remember things exactly for what they were and not something he created in his head he can recall instance after instance of denying his feelings for Louis. The time they almost kissed at one of Liam's impromptu parties only to find Louis in the kitchen giving his number to some bloke not even an hour later. The time Louis spent the weekend with a guy he met at a bar. He'd even been a little jealous of Louis' girlfriend before they broke up.

Time after time after time Harry shut down his feelings, and Louis ended up paying the price for it last night. If he hadn't been such a fucking coward everything wouldn't be such a mess right now. At two in the morning there's little he can do about it, but he can take care of the gross feeling in his mouth.

From Harry's bedroom to the bathroom it's only about twenty feet, but it seems like the longest and loneliest walk of his life. The quiet in the apartment only serves to emphasize how empty it seems without Louis. How empty he is without Louis.

Harry brushes his teeth until his gums are tender. Not done he strips and steps into the shower to try and scrub away the guilt, but it doesn't work. He could rub his skin raw, but it doesn't change the fact that he hurt Louis.

On his way back to his room he can't resist the urge to go in Louis' room, and the first thing he spots is the jumper Louis took off before he left. It's really Harry's, but Louis took ownership of it a long time ago. He said it made him feel a little less lost when they were apart from each other.

Now that his perspective isn't distorted Harry can see there had been so many clues. He was just too busy trying to ignore his own feelings to see what was right in front of him. Louis was in love with him, and everything he did was because of it.

Harry sighs before picking up the white jumper. Maybe he'll feel a little less lost if he sleeps in it.

\----

When Harry opens his eyes he's sure this time he hears a door closing, and his first thought is maybe it's Louis coming to talk, but it's just wishful thinking because silence greets him just like it did the last time. Now he wishes he could fall back into the dreamless sleep where he doesn’t feel this new and intense yet familiar ache in his chest where the anger used to live.

He’s no stranger to the love burning in his heart for Louis. The only thing new is he’s allowing himself to feel it, not camouflaging it with hate.

When he checks the clock for what seems like the hundredth time in the space of a few hours he notices that someone left two pain tablets and a glass of water on the bedside table. More than likely it was Liam, and that explains the door closing.

Harry moves to get out of the bed, reluctance in every step. He feels like an old man, and wanting Louis back is weighing him down even more. It's too hot, and he takes the jumper off to change it for a tee. He quickly swallows the pain medicine before he leaves the bedroom. Hours later he's still moving from one space in the apartment to another, knowing what he has to do just not knowing how.

“Fuck it,” Harry says suddenly, turning the television off. If he puts off talking to Louis any longer he won’t be able to do at all, and changing his pajama bottoms for a pair of black jeans he exits his bedroom with the same determination he entered it with. He’s in the foyer getting his keys when the determination driving him suddenly crumbles.

Where the fuck is he going when he doesn't know where Louis is? “Shit,” Harry hisses, walking back into the living room and dropping down on the sofa. He has several ideas of where he could be, but no idea of how and where to start searching. “Liam,” he thinks out loud.

Liam was the one who tried to reason with him after he attacked Louis, and he was the only one of them who hadn’t really been angry with him. Maybe Louis is at Liam's, but if he's not maybe their appointed leader knows where he is.

Spurred on by renewed hope Harry heads for the door again only when he opens it Liam is already standing there with Niall and Zayn beside him. All of them looking like they’ve seen better days.

“Hey Harry,” Liam speaks first, and when Harry only stands and stares at them, “You headed somewhere?” he continues when Harry’s still silent. “Would it be alright if we come in talk to you for a bit?”

“Sure," Harry finds his voice then moves back to let them in the apartment.

They stand awkwardly in the foyer for a few minutes when Niall clears his throat. “Are you alright mate?”

“Yeah how are you?” Liam asks.

“You want to know how I’m doing?” Harry finally answers, noticing that Zayn is the only one not looking at him.

“Yes we do Harry,” Liam responds sincerely.

“As good as can be expected seeing that I acted like an idiot last night,” he says, unable to keep the tears from pooling in his eyes, going willingly when Liam pulls him into a hug.

"I didn't mean any of it," Harry can’t hold back a sob, and when he feels two more pairs of arms come around him and he sobs harder.

"We wouldn't be here if we thought you did," Zayn says candidly.

“I’m so sorry," Harry apologizes. He put his friends in an impossible position last night.

“We’re sorry too,” Niall says when he steps back to wipe his nose with the bottom of his shirt.

“What are you sorry for?” Harry asks between sniffles, and he moves out of the embrace to drag the back of his hand over his eyes and face.

“Haz you do know that you’re our friend too and that we love you?” Zayn speaks for the first time since entering the apartment.

“Of course I do, but you still have every right to be angry with me.”

“We’re not angry Harry, at least not anymore. I have to be honest we weren’t exactly happy with you, but Louis helped us to see how us supporting his digs at you may appear like we don’t care about your feelings. We want you to know that if we made you think that it’s the farthest thing from the truth,” Zayn rubs his hand up and down Harry’s back.

“Yeah we really feel awful about it. We always thought it was just another aspect of you and Louis being youandLouis,” Niall tells him.

“I guess that shows how unreasonable I’ve been about this whole thing. It never really bothered me that much where you guys are concerned. At least not to the extent that it made me angry, but with Louis…,” Harry's voice wavers, unable to continue. “How is he?” he asks instead.

“He’s not good,” Liam responds.

“You have to know you hurt him bad,” Niall adds.

“I still don’t understand how you did that to him,” Zayn runs a hand through his hair, but he sounds more confused than angry now.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fully understand it myself. I was just so angry, and I wanted him to feel the hurt I had been feeling for along time,” Harry confesses, but in no way trying to excuse what he did.

Yeah we kind of got that," Zayn responds sympathetically.

“Thanks for checking on me and leaving the medicine out,” Harry says to Liam when no one says anything.

“I can take credit for checking on you once, but Niall or Zayn must have left the meds,” Liam responds.

“Had to be Zayn. I pretty much stayed on the sofa,” Niall speaks up.

“Am I missing something?” Harry asks, confused.

“On top of everything Louis was worried sick about you being alone. Kept saying you were our friend too, but since neither of us wanted to leave him we decided the only sensible thing to do was take shifts with both of you,” Zayn explains.

“He was worried about me?” Harry asks in disbelief, understanding now why they all looked like they hadn’t slept.

“Are you really surprised?” Liam responds.

“I have to see him. I have to try and explain. He needs to know how sorry I am. Can you tell me where he is?”

“No,” Liam says firmly before anyone else can speak.

“Liam,” Niall starts before Liam interrupts him. “Listen guys can I talk to Harry alone?" he asks, but it’s not a question.

“Yeah,” Niall responds. “See you a little later?” he adds, giving Harry a brief hug before walking to the door, still limping slightly.

“Just give him a little time,” Zayn whispers, hugging Harry then giving Liam a long look before walking out of the apartment behind Niall. 

“I don’t think he’s ready to see you,” Liam says, breaking the awkward silence that followed after the door closed behind their friends.

“I have to see him Liam,” Harry responds, his voice sounding strangled.

Liam looks more affected by Harry’s pleading than he wants to be, but he's still doesn't give in. "Everything's still too raw right now. You broke him Harry.” 

“Then let me try and put him back together,” Harry begs without an ounce of shame.

“Just answer me one question then,” Liam's retorts, his resolve evidently weakening. “What's changed?" he asks candidly.

“I could tell you, but I think Louis deserves to be the first to hear any explanations I have,” Harry says, hoping he’s reading Liam right.

“Well let me explain something to you Harry because you didn’t see him after what you did to him, but I did. First I saw him ripped apart like him of all people never deserved to be, and I saw him collapse in Zayn’s arms when he walked out of here last night. Then I saw him beat himself up practically the entire night for hurting you. I watched him wretch three times. Three times Harry. Then I had to look on while he became more and more frantic until he knew you weren’t going to be alone. If all of that wasn’t enough I had to watch him toss and turn when he was finally able to fall asleep this morning. You can’t begin to imagine what that was like, feeling so powerless because the only person who could help him was the one who destroyed him."

"No," Harry moans. His heart is broken into a million pieces. It's one thing to know it, but the picture Liam just painted is almost unbearable.

“I’m sorry for springing that on you mate, but you have to know what you did to him might not be fixable,” Liam says, his own face pained.

“I have to try Liam,” Harry pleads for understanding, and Liam sighs. “I know, and you’re a right mess,” he points out Harry's wrecked face with gentle eyes and a sad smile.

"Don't care, Harry responds. "Just want Louis," he continues, and it's not a slip of the tongue. He knows they have to talk, but he wants Louis. He wants him back in their apartment and back in his life. Most of all he wants the chance to tell his best friend that he's in love with him too. He just hopes Louis still feels the same.

“I’ll talk to him Harry. I just believe what happens next should be on his terms, not yours. I’m sorry, but that’s all I can give you right now,” Liam tells him.

“It’s enough,” Harry assures him, super relieved because it's way more than he deserves.

“Why don’t you clean yourself up. Just keep your phone with you, and I’ll let you know either way,” Liam alludes to the real possibility that Louis may not be ready to face Harry. “Just know that no matter what happens you’re not alone. We’re all here for you.”

“Thanks Liam,” Harry’s determined not to cry again. He accepts Liam's brief hug, and when he leaves there's nothing to do but wait. To pass time he does as Liam suggested, washing his face and changing his shirt for an identical one before going back into the living room. He slides into the corner of the sofa with his feet up. He shuts his eyes with the intention of just resting them, but the restless night catches up with him. He has no idea how long he was out when he jumps up sometime later. Did he fall asleep and not hear his phone ring?

“My phone, shit!” Harry says aloud, realizing he left it in his bedroom. It's right where he left on his bed, but when he checks for missed calls nothing happens because it's dead. “What is wrong with you?” he groans harshly. Of course his phone is dead. It always fucking is.

Harry debates for all of one minute before he decides there’s only one sure thing to do. He’s sorry if Louis isn't ready. Maybe he isn’t even at Liam’s, but there's only one way to find out. He rushes out of his room and doesn't stop until he’s in the foyer reaching for his keys again, but he’s thrown for another loop when he opens the door.

This time because Louis is the one standing on the other side.

\----

He thought the image Liam painted was graphic enough, but it’s nothing compared to seeing Louis face to face.

He has dark shadows and bags under his eyes. Eyes that are supposed to be vibrant and full of mischief, but instead are dull and tormented. His hair is flat and unstyled, and his lips are chapped and raw. Probably from him biting down on them too hard, and although Harry knows it’s not possible Louis looks smaller. It’s all a punch to Harry’s guts, but the unmasked hurt that passed over Louis’ face when he first opened the door causes Harry the most anguish.

“Hi,” Louis says, and the uncertainty in the word makes Harry feel even lower. “I’ve been standing here wondering if I should knock or use my key. Funny innit seeing as I’ve lived here for almost than three years?”

Harry's not sure of how many more pieces it's possible for his heart to break in. “No Louis it’s not funny. It’s not funny at all,” he sighs, voice cracking with so much emotion Louis looks him directly in the eyes for the first time since he opened the door. Then by some unexplainable force he’s barreling into Louis and wrapping his arms around him.

Louis gasps in surprise, standing rigid and unresponsive. Not deterred Harry holds Louis tighter. He's determined to hold on until forever if that’s what it takes, and just when he’s about to bury his face in the side of Louis’ neck he feels a slight jerk against his chest immediately followed by an agonized cry. Then Louis’ arms close around his waist, and Harry's heart breaks into a million more pieces.

He doesn’t know how long they stand there. Louis crying into his shirt, and him crying into Louis head, but at some point he becomes conscious of the fact that they’re still standing in the doorway.“I guess we better we‘d better bring this inside,” Harry says emotionally.

“Yeah,” Louis whispers, following Harry into the apartment. “Sorry about that,” he says, pointing at the huge wet spot on the front of Harry’s shirt.

“No, I’m the one who’s sorry,” Harry replies quietly, looking at Louis intently, holding his gaze. “For everything,” he adds, and Louis only nods before looking away.

“Would you like me to get you some tea or something else?” Harry asks, turning towards the living room area, assuming correctly that Louis will follow him.

“No thanks,” Louis answers, sitting at the farthest end of the sofa.

Harry notices Louis’ bare feet for the first time. Not that it surprises him because Louis hates shoes, and only wears them when he necessarily has to. He's also aware that despite the hug and the apology, the wounds are still open and raw. Louis makes that clearer when he speaks up.

“Listen Harry I’m not here for long. Liam said you wanted to talk,” he fractures the uneasy silence. “He wanted to come when you didn’t answer your phone, but I didn’t see point since I would've ended up here anyways.”

“Phone’s dead. Sorry,” Harry mentally kicks himself.

“We figured. Kept going straight to your voicemail. Big surprise there,” Louis says sarcastically.

“Louis?”

“Yeah?”

“The things I said to you last night were unforgivable, but not one word of it’s true. I didn't mean it. I was just so angry at you. Had been for a long time, and I just wanted to hurt you. I wanted to hurt you bad.”

“Mission accomplished,” Louis gives Harry a small salute.

“I know that, and I’ll spend the rest of my life hating myself for every word,” Harry says, voice and eyes filled with remorse. “Even if you never forgive me I want to try and explain, but now that you’re here I don’t know where to start.”

Louis turns to look at Harry with a cross between desperation and exasperation in his eyes. “The beginning is always a good place to start,” he says quietly.

“Yeah I guess it is,” Harry agrees. There’s just so much distance between them, and the need to erase it becomes as necessary as his next breath. “I know I have no right to ask this, but I don’t think I’ll be able to talk like this. Just not used to it.”

“What do you want Harry?” Louis sounds frustrated.

“There's too much space between us,” Harry leaves it for Louis to interpret what he's really saying.

“No, you can’t ask me to do that," Louis exclaims, disbelief on his face. 

“Louis I have so much to say to you, and I need you near when I say it,” Harry begs. It’s a desperate move, but he doesn’t care as he watches the debate play out on Louis’ face.

“Okay, but that's it. I'll move closer, nothing more," Louis concedes, his voice filled with apprehension and warning.

It’s an awkward transition, but a few minutes later Harry is turned so that his chest is pressed against Louis’ back, his arm is resting on the back of the sofa. His feet are still touching the floor, and Louis is sitting rigidly against him with his knees pulled to his chest.

“One more thing,” Harry says when he sees they're as settled as they are going to get, “I don’t want you to interrupt me Louis. Please just hold anything you have to say til I’m finished.” Louis responds with only a barely perceptible nod of his head, and Harry takes that as an agreement. “So there’s the beginning when we first met. The immediate connection was real for me too. Don’t ever doubt that. You were everything to me,” he says, watching Louis link and unlink his fingers. "From the beginning there was something more than friendship between us. At least for me it was, but I knew you weren't gay so I accepted that I'd never have a chance with you. That kind of changed accurately the night we kissed during that game of truth or dare. When it was over you made a joke of it, but I wanted more Louis. I wanted to kiss you again, but when you acted like it meant nothing to you I made it to mean nothing to me. That was the first time I remember having to bury these not so platonic feelings I had for you.”

Louis attempts to turn and face him, but Harry stills him with a hand on his shoulder and sighs, “Please Louis, you agreed,” he reminds him. “Then there was the night you came out to me. You told me I wasn’t your type. Well I wanted to be your type. One minute you were making my deepest dream come true, but in the next you ripped it from me when you said you didn't go for guys like me. It hurt, but I was able to brush that off as a joke too.”

“Is that it then?” Louis asks when Harry doesn’t resume talking right off.

“No, sorry,” Harry apologizes, who could blame him for getting distracted by the perfection of Louis' feet. He lifts a hand Louis’ shoulder with the apology, and he's encouraged when Louis doesn't shake it off. “Last night you said you depended on me, but I was the dependent one. You were my best friend, and you seemed satisfied with leaving it there. I treasured your friendship above everything else, and because that’s all I thought you wanted I kept burying my feelings and ignoring the pain. One day the hurt was replaced by anger, but at least it wasn’t hurting anymore. Didn’t have time to be hurt when I was madder than hell at you, and soon everything about you made me angrier and angrier until it was more than anger."

“Harry…,” Louis attempts to turn around again.

“No I have to finish this,” Harry stops him, preventing another interruption. “Then last night happened, and I know it’s inadequate, but I’m so sorry Louis. If I could take it all back I would. You're none of those things, and I don't hate you. I never could hate you because I…,” he can’t get the words past his aching throat and racing heartbeat.

“Because you what?” Louis asks breathlessly.

“Do you really need me to say it?” Harry hedges, so nervous he feels sick.

“Say what Harry?” Louis asks, sounding a little desperate and a lot impatient.

For some reason it calms Harry to know he's just as anxious. “Turn around then because I’m not saying this to your back,” he demands because he needs Louis to see the truth in his eyes. Yet for someone who just sounded so impatient Louis takes his time turning to face Harry. Finally ending up on his knees on the sofa, the front of his body facing Harry’s side. His expression a calm mask, but his eyes are pleading. 

“I love you...no I’m in love with you. I probably have been since the kiss. Maybe even before that. I love you so much that every part of me aches with it, and the thought of being without you, living here without you almost kills me. I know I can’t take back the vile things I said to you last night, but if you let me I’ll spend every day trying to erase the memory of every word with my love,” Harry vows, tears filling his eyes and spilling over. “Will you let me try Louis?”

Louis lets out a shaky breath, but remains silent. He brings his hands up, placing one on each side of Harry’s face, spreading the tears with his thumbs. Taking that as a good sign Harry presses his luck. “I think I’m going to kiss you now,” he whispers, but before he can make good on his declaration Louis’ lips are crashing into his.

It only takes Harry a stunned second before he’s kissing Louis back, and then he’s in the X-Factor house again letting Louis have control. Only opening his mouth when Louis licks in between the seam of his lips, and when Louis’ tongue slides across his it feels like that first time. Harry’s heart takes a nosedive, and he can’t hold back a moan. Then he’s leaning into the kiss, opening his mouth wider to give Louis more access. When Harry moans a second time Louis sits back on his knees, breathing fast, but this time instead of wiping the wetness off of his mouth like he did that first time he dives in for another kiss. He lifts his arms to wrap them around Harry’s neck, and this time he gives over full control.

Harry explores every part of Louis’ mouth before tangling their tongues, and he gets lost in the kiss until he can't breathe anymore. Louis lays his head on Harry’s shoulder, but the skin he unintentionally exposes is too enticing, and Harry's mouth is attached to the erratic pulse on before Louis knows what he’s doing.

Louis responds with an oomph quickly followed by a long moan when Harry bites hard enough to leave a bruise, but when Harry moves to another spot he gently pulls the hair on the back of Harry's head to get him to stop. Harry leaves one more bruise on Louis’ neck before he gives in to the insistent tugs.

“I guess this means I can speak now,” Louis huffs, leaning away when Harry goes in for another kiss.

“Yeah,” Harry responds although he’d rather be doing other things.

Louis stays on Harry's thighs, but he turns so that most of his back is against Harry’s chest, and he wraps Harry’s arms around his waist. “Ok I need you to really listen because when I’m finished it’s done, and we don’t look back. We only move forward from here on out.

“Moving forward,” Harry lazily repeats, nuzzling Louis’ ear with his nose, amazed that he gets to touch him so intimately now, but he takes Louis fiddling with his fingers as a nervous sign so he stops to listen.

“I have loved you from the minute I first looked into your eyes. It was so unexpected, and it felt like my world had been turned upside down,” Louis says softly.

“Like being blindsided unsuspectingly,” Harry offers.

“I think that might be improper grammar and a bit redundant, but yes it felt like being blindsided,” Louis corrects fondly.

“I never knew anyone who suspected they might be blindsided Louis,” Harry says dryly, and Louis opens his mouth to respond then closes it. “I guess that proves you can be right even when you’re wrong," he finally concedes.

“What?” Harry asks, sounding lost.

“It’s not important. Anyway I was blindsided unsuspectingly, and I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I called it a stupid crush. Except the feelings wouldn’t go away. They kept getting worse, but for me it all came to a head the night you went on the date with that waitress from Nando’s. I was jealous of your dates before, but you never rubbed in my face like you did that night. Suddenly it hit me that you might really like this girl, and when you came home the next morning looking so smug it literally made me sick. So I left.”

Harry’s eyes light up with the memory of how Louis would hardly look at him that morning, and Louis was right he had been smug, but not for the reason he thinks. It had actually been a stupid attempt by Harry to impress his best friend. Maybe deep down he just wanted to make Louis jealous.

“I just wanted my mum to make it better, but I was halfway home when I realized what I felt for you was way more than a crush. I had to pull over on the side of the road because I couldn’t drive anymore. I had to let it sink in that I was in love with my best friend, and when I calmed down the only place I wanted to be was with you so I turned around. You didn’t give me a chance to get in to door before you pounced on me, and that’s when I knew I never wanted to leave you again. I realized that day that you're my home,” Louis says, and the confession helps Harry make another connection.

“You told me you were gay that night,” he pulls Louis closer, more and more pieces of the puzzle falling into place.

Louis turns to face him again before placing his face in the hollow between Harry’s neck and shoulder. “Nothing’s changed Harry except that I'm probably in love with you even more. I’m sorry for hurting you, but you broke my heart too. You hurt me more than I thought was humanly possible.”

“Louis,” Harry moans.

“I’m everything you accused me of. I’m insensitive and insecure. I can be a bully, but only to protect you. Never in a million years to hurt you," Louis vows, the words thick with feeling. “I’m so tired of crying,” he says with a strangled laugh as he buries his face in deeper into Harry’s neck.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get here, but now that I’m here I’m staying,” Harry says with matching emotion. “You’re probably going to get tired of hearing it, but I love you Lou. I love you with my whole heart. I can’t promise we won’t argue or hurt each other again, but I can promise I’ll never let you go to sleep without telling how much I love and treasure you. You're the strongest person I know, but you allow yourself to be vulnerable with me, and I betrayed that. I’ll never stop being sorry for it, but I swear I won’t ever hurt you or betray you in that way again,” he declares fervently.

“I love you Harry,” Louis mumbles against Harry’s mouth. One minute he’s battling Harry for control of the kiss, but the next he’s laying down on the sofa, pulling Harry on top of him.

Harry resumes his assault on Louis’ mouth until both of them have trouble breathing, and Harry has to settle for quick pecks along Louis’ temple and jaw line until Louis stops him. “Are you sure this is what you want?” he asks, uncertainty in his voice and his eyes. “I’ll fight for us, and after everything that's happened I won’t accept anything less from you.”

“I’ll fight too. Anyone and anything. I love you, and I’ve never been surer about anything in my life," Harry promises. He might only be nineteen, but he doesn't have to be a certain age to know he's looking into the eyes of his forever.

“Glad to hear it, and now that we’ve settled that do you really want to talk anymore?” Louis asks, coyly rolling one of Harry’s curls around his finger.

“Depends on whether or not you have a better offer,” Harry teases.

“Pretty cocky yeah?”

“No, but I’m not at all upset that we’re here together like this,” Harry confesses.

“Then show me,” Louis sighs as he pulls Harry’s head down to meet his, and they devour each other’s mouths. Both of them making passionate noises until Harry moves to the Louis’ collarbone. Then it’s only Louis making the sounds while Harry sucks a mark onto the tan skin.

Louis lifts his hips off the sofa, but Harry presses him back down, initiating a sequence of back and forth that has Louis crying out Harry’s name. When Louis begins to move faster Harry shoves off of him to stand up. “You coming?” he asks when Louis doesn't move.

“Haz you know there’s no rush. Just being with you is enough,” Louis mutters.

Harry hates the insecurity in his eyes, and he hurries to erase it. “Louis Tomlinson if you don’t get your beautiful arse up right now, and make my every fantasy come true I’ll probably explode right here and die,” he says, and he walks away before Louis can respond.

Harry goes straight to his bedroom, leaving the door open, and like he intended Louis is only a few seconds behind. He stands with his back against the closed door, looking at Harry like he’s debating something.

“Can’t have you dying on me can I?” Louis smirks as he thrusts off the door and moves over to bed. “Explode yes, die no,” he adds before straddling Harry and pushing him down.

“I hear explosions can be messy,” Harry breathes, meeting Louis’ mouth halfway.

Louis seals his mouth to Harry’s, his tongue seeking and searching. Harry allows Louis to dictate the speed of the kiss, and he can’t hold back the moans when Louis begins grinding against his hips again, but as soon as the kiss turns more passionate Harry flips him over onto his back, reversing their positions. He settles in between Louis thighs, and instinctively begins to return Louis' thrusts.

“Harry please,” Louis moans, eyes pleading, voice filled with need.

“Ssh,” Harry whispers hotly, placing soft slow kisses all over Louis’s face. “I want to take care of you tonight.” 

“I thought the general idea was for us to take care of each other,” Louis replies, eyes closing and shivering as Harry swirls his tongue against the pulse on his neck.

Harry lifts his head, waiting for Louis to opens his eyes before speaking. “We’ll work our way to that I’m sure, but tonight I want to concentrate on you,” Harry asks, his eyes conveying to Louis what his words aren't.

“Okay,” Louis agrees breathlessly, and he’s rewarded with a hard thrust of Harry’s hips that leaves him moaning and pushing up to repeat the contact.

When Louis starts to sound desperate Harry sits back on his knees to pull him up into a sitting position. He grabs the bottom of Louis' hoodie, pulling it over his head, and once the shirt is off Harry pushes Louis back on the bed. He purposely keeps his hips lifted, avoiding the contact he can tell Louis is aching for, but he bends to suck another mark on Louis' neck before tracing a path of kisses across Louis’ chest and down his stomach. By the time he reaches the top button of Louis’ pants Harry’s just as needy as Louis.

He makes love to Louis with his eyes while he slowly slides the zipper down on his jeans, and needing a little help he slips his hands under Louis’ bum, squeezing and pushing up. Louis eagerly obeys lifting his hips and bending his knees, placing his hands on Harry’s shoulders for extra leverage. Harry briefly tears his eyes away from Louis to pull his pants and boxers all of the way down. His stomach muscles automatically tighten at the sight of Louis’ leaking erection, and he has to mentally restrain himself to keep from touching it when he stands to remove his own clothes.

He moves back to his spot between Louis’ legs, wasting no time before lowering his mouth, causing Louis’ hip to jerk in reaction. Harry begins to move his head up and down eliciting an almost painful sounding moan from Louis. He braces one hand on Louis’ thigh, using the other to hold his erection still as he continues the up and down motions, pausing only when he uses his tongue to lick around the head. If possible it turns Harry on even more to feel Louis’ hip movements became more and more frantic, and he comes more determined in his efforts to push him over the edge even when he feels the gentle pulling on his hair.

“I want you to make love to me,” Louis says shakily when Harry refuses to stop.

“I’m sure we can manage both,” Harry responds dryly after he reluctantly pulls back, almost purring when he licks his lips and tastes Louis on them.

“No Harry. I... It's just... Even though I hoped for it I never thought I would ever have the chance to be like this with you, and now that I am...” Louis says, breathing heavy?”

“Alright,” Harry understands what Louis is trying to say, and tears sting his eyes as he stretches out over him to give him a slow and sweet kiss. Louis opens his mouth to Harry’s searching tongue at the same time he wraps his legs around his waist, and they kiss and rub against each other until the friction has Louis begging Harry again. Taking Louis’ trembling as a sign that he’s almost gone Harry reaches for a condom and the lube he keeps in the drawer on his bedside table, but he becomes alarmed when he goes to squeeze some onto his fingers and Louis grabs his arm.

“What’s wrong?” Harry asks concerned, and Louis bites his lips before finding something interesting to look at on Harry’s chest. “Just think you might want to know before you start I’ve sort of never done this before,” he admits, wincing when he’s finished.

“By this you mean…?” Harry asks, dazed and confused.

“By this I mean this Harry,” Louis sounds a little frustrated and maybe a little embarrassed. “I’ve done certain things, and trust me I know how this all works, but I never got this far before."

“But why? How?” Harry still can’t quite believing what he’s hearing.

“Because I never met anyone I wanted to be the first more than you,” Louis answers so softly Harry can hardly hear him, but he does hear him, and he falls a little bit more in love.

“Are you sure Louis?" Harry asks, thinking Louis is probably going to keep him on an emotional rollercoaster. “We don’t have to do this tonight."

“I want this bad Harry. So bad you don't understand. Don’t make me beg,” Louis says.

“I love you,” Harry says with all the emotion in his heart. Then gives in to the plea by moving to coat his fingers again.

He takes his time with Louis, opening and stretching him until he’s pleading for more. He almost stops when he first enters Louis and he cries out in pain, but Louis’ assurances convince him to continue. He moves even more slowly though, literally pushing in inch by inch, giving Louis time to adjust and accept more of him after each push, and by the time he’s all the way in both of them are sweaty and breathing hard.

Louis is so tight around him, and Harry’s almost done before he begins, but somehow he holds on and starts to move gently in and out of Louis, picking up speed when he cries for more. In his passion clouded stupor Harry buries his face in Louis’ neck, and begins thrusting vigorously. Louis’ responding cries only sends more heat through Harry’s body, and he moves harder, pushing them both closer to the edge. He finally loses it when he feels Louis’ wet heat pulse between their bodies, and he's almost blinded by the force of his orgasm.

Louis still hasn’t opened his eyes when Harry moves off him to lay on his back. “Are you okay?” he asks softly, wondering if Louis might be asleep, not wanting to disturb him if he is.

“Mmm,” Louis responds without opening his eyes, and they’re still closed when Harry’s sure he can stand without the possibility of falling. He leaves the room and returns five minutes later with a warm flannel that he proceeds to clean Louis up with.

“That was…,” Louis finally opens his eyes, but he can't seem to find the words he wants to say.

“Da bomb,” Harry supplies cheekily as he lifts the duvet to cover them. “I recall warning you about messy explosions,” he adds.

“That was bad even for you Haz,” Louis snickers as he moves to lay his head on Harry’s chest, his blue eyes lit with humor and fondness.

“What can I say I guess you just bring out the berst in me,” Harry retorts.

“I don’t know if I should be alarmed or impressed that I know you just combined best and worst, and didn’t have to explain it to me,” Louis laughs.

“You could be both, and that would make you alaressed,” Harry responds, laughing harder when Louis groans.

“Actually that would make you a studiot,” Louis decides if you can’t beat em join em. "Get it stupid idiot," he adds smartly.

“Only for you Lewis,” Harry teases then squeals when Louis proceeds to bite his stomach. “Really how are you?” he asks after they've been quiet for a bit.

“I’m really good. I can honestly say you’re the best I ever had,” Louis mumbles sleepily.

“Me too Louis, me too,” Harry sighs, letting out another loud laugh when he remembers he’s the only one Louis has ever had. In that way at least.

“Geez you’re slow sometimes Styles,” Louis says softly. “Seriously it was beautiful. You made it so special and amazing. Thank you for that.”

“No thank you,” Harry's talking about more than the sex, and from the sweet kiss he places over Harry’s heart Louis understands.

“I love you Louis,” Harry murmers, remembering his promise to never let him go to sleep without saying the words.

“I love you too,” Louis returns sincerely, just shy of unconsciousness.

\----

Two days later Harry finds himself in the kitchen preparing a breakfast of French toast, bacon, and sliced melon. All of the boys are there, and the atmosphere is entirely different from the last time they were all together. He’s fulfilling his promise to make up for the last meal, but he wishes he’d suggested brunch instead of breakfast.

Not wanting to disappoint them he reluctantly left a sleeping Louis in the bed at 6:30 that morning to shower and run to the market, but his mood changed for the better when his sleepy boyfriend joined him in the shower saying he missed feeling Harry’s skin against his. He even tagged along with him to the store, and since it had been so early in the morning they strolled through the aisles of Tesco’s unnoticed.

It turned out to be a good thing Harry got up when he did because the boys arrived right on time with Niall the only one looking like he had a little too much fun and too much to drink. Liam and Zayn appeared rested, both claiming they were starving. Actually Niall claimed hunger too, just in a more subdued voice than the other two.

They kept their original plans to go out on Saturday night, but Harry and Louis stayed in. Too wrapped up in their love to want to be anywhere else than alone with each other, and although their bandmates have only been at the flat a short time Harry’s already ready for them to be gone. He loves them, but he loves Louis and being alone with him more. Only a room is separating them now, but Harry still misses him. The need to constantly touch and be near him is unrelenting and uncontrollable.

Louis has been amazing and forgiving and loving and patient. Just everything Harry's needed, and it humbles him even more to know his needs have always come first with Louis.

Harry hums softly as he dips the last piece of bread into the milky mixture for the French toast, and he can’t stop the smile from spreading across his face as he listens to the conversation going on in the other room.

“And I was stranded without a single friend to count on,” Niall says, lifting his head from Louis’ lap.

“What happened I thought the three of you were out together?” Louis asks.

“Actually it was supposed to be the five of us, but two of our mates ditched us at the last minute,” Zayn corrects him through the open doors of the balcony. The cigarette he's smoking doesn't interfere with the sarcasm in his voice.

“It was for a really good cause,” Louis responds. “Really good,” he mutters under his breath a few seconds later, but still loud enough for the others to hear.

“Way too much information!” Liam shouts from the recliner across from Louis and Niall.

“Agreed!” Zayn backs him up.

“Oh shut it you two, and tell me why poor Niall here was left to his own devices last night,” Louis pats Niall’s arm sympathetically.

“Thanks mate,” Niall pouts like a child, but his eyes are full of mischief.

“Niall was not left alone, and he very well knows it,” Liam sounds annoyed.

“Felt pretty alone to me. Don’t know what else to call it when I’m minding my own, getting acquainted with my third beer. next thing I know Paul’s telling me you two have called it a night, Not even two hours in, and you didn’t even have the decency to find me yourselves,” Niall looks at Liam with some that resembles a huge smirk.

“What happened?” Louis asks again, sounding more curious.

“Nothing happened, just a little Irish prick being a little Irish prick,” Zayn exclaims through the balcony doors.

“Yeah you little shit,” Liam directs fondly at Niall. “Zayn started feeling a little weird. Got kind of overheated we think. So I took him home, and made sure he was all better before I went to my own,” he explains, but the conversation is interrupted by Zayn having a coughing fit.

Louis moves Niall's head from his lap to go check on him. “You alright mate?” he asks when he reaches Zayn.

“M’fine just went down the wrong pipe,” Zayn gasps when he can, eyes watery.

“Now would be a good time to put it out I think,” Niall says from over Louis’ shoulder.

“It’s your fault you jerk,” Zayn croaks, looking at Niall. Liam joins them in the doorway, and he reaches out to flicks Niall’s ear.

“What have I done?” Niall asks indignantly. “Besides how was I supposed to know you were feeling out of sorts when the last I saw you were grinding up against some lass on the dance floor? All Paul said was you guys called it in early,” he continues, turning to walk back into the apartment.

Louis and Zayn are right behind him, and it almost looks like Zayn makes an extra effort not to touch Liam when he walks past him.

“Because I called you when we got to the car you nimwit,” Liam scolds, sitting down again.

“I knew there was something I forgot. Guess eight beers would've been a good number to stop at,” Niall snickers then has to fight pillows being thrown at him from Liam, Louis, and Zayn.

Back in the kitchen Harry’s placing the last of the food on the table, and he laughs when he hears Niall yell, “Hey that one hurt!”

The memory of the last time he was about to call the boys in springs up suddenly, and Harry’s filled with the remorse that’s been constantly eating at him despite Louis’ forgiveness. It still scares him that he almost ruined his relationship with his best friend and likely love of his life.

He pulls out a chair to sits down as he tries to come to terms with the awful things he said to Louis. It’s a scenario that’s played over and over the last two days, and Harry lets out a heartwrenching moan. He can't believe he actually took pleasure in saying the vicious words. He closes his eyes to block out the painful memory, opening them again when he hears someone clearing their throat, and he looks up to find Louis standing in the kitchen entrance. He's looking at him with a concerned frown on his face.

Harry's not surprised to find him there. It seems like everytime he’s about to let the thoughts of what he did overtake him Louis appears to pull him back from the darkness. This time he walks over to where Harry’s sitting, and he runs his hand through the mass of curls. “You have to stop doing this to yourself Haz. Remember we agreed we're moving forward.”

“How can you forgive me?” Harry asks because deep down he’s really afraid that he could still lose Louis. “I said the things I knew would wreck you the most. I did it on purpose Louis. I even used your dad,” he adds unbelievingly.

Louis sighs loudly, and moves so that he can sit across Harry’s thighs. “I'll never lie and say your words didn’t hurt me," Louis makes steady eye contact, his full of concern. "Maybe even made me a little angry, but what bothered me the most was realizing I was the one who brought you to that place. You forget I know you better than anyone else. I know you had to suffer unbearably to end up that angry, and I so regret my part in that," he says, voice pained. "You have to understand for me it’s never been a matter of forgiving you. It’s been getting you to know that I would rather swallow glass than intentionally hurt you. I can’t say it enough, but I love you Harry. Have from the moment I met you, and it hasn’t changed in close to three years of thinking I didn't have a chance with you so I don’t think a few ugly and ill spoken words will change it either. I think you’re beautiful inside and out. I’m in awe that you love me back, but you do, and we’re here and we’re good so stop beating yourself up."

“They were more than a few ugly words, and you’re the beautiful one. Don't change Louis, please don't let the awful things I said change you. Every single thing about is perfect, and I love all of you," Harry says emotionally, pulling Louis into a tight embrace. "I just love you so much."

“I know that now and it’s everything,” Louis returns the hug with the same force.

“That was beautiful,” Zayn mocks from the kitchen entrance, causing them to turn in his direction, and Harry snorts when Louis flips the Bradford bad boy off.

“Okay Harry you love Louis, and Louis you love Harry. S’bout time you two realize what the rest of us have known from the beginning now can we eat?” Niall asks from beside Zayn.

“Was just about to call you Niall,” Harry tries to placate his always hungry friend.

“Didn’t look like it from here,” Liam puts in from behind Zayn who looks noticeably startled when Liam speaks over his shoulder, and he smiles awkwardly as he makes his way over to the table, plopping down in a chair after he pulls it out. “Shit!” he gasps, squirming in his seat.

“What is it?” Louis asks. Niall and Liam sit take their seats, and all of them look concerned at the agonized expression on their friend's face.

“I’m fine, just forgot for a minute that my back’s a little out of sorts,” Zayn replies, still frowning.

“Looks like more than a little from over here,” Harry drawls, suspicion clouding his brain. He caught Zayn's reaction to Liam, but he refuses to even consider where his thoughts are trying to lead him.

“Sorry for picking on you about leaving the club early,” Niall’s tone is sincere, and he looks at Zayn with worry in his eyes.

“I’m better now. Just have to not flop down like that again,” Zayn assures him.

“If you say so,” Louis says skeptically before attempting to move to his own seat, but Harry restrains him by wrapping an arm around his waist.

“Stay,” he whispers, and Louis only nods before changing positions so that he’s facing the table. When he’s comfortable he looks up to find Liam staring at them with a somber look on his face. Louis tilts his head, questioning him silently with his eyes.

“Listen guys we don't want you to doubt in any way that you don't have our support. We love you both like brothers, and nothing can change that. There's always been something special between you, and we’ve all speculated for a while that it would end this way. We can’t begin to tell you both how happy we are for you, and we just want you to know we’re here. Whatever you need us to say or do we’re here. We have your backs one hundred percent,” Liam pledges, apparently speaking for him, Niall, and Zayn.

“Shit Liam," Louis wipes at his eyes with the collar of the white jumper that he’s wearing again.

“Thanks guys," Harry says, a bit more eloquently than his boyfriend.

"Brothers,” Louis says, lifting his hand and holding it out.

“Brothers,” they all say in unison as they one by one place their hands on top of Louis’.

“Incestuous much,” Zayn teases when they pull back, wiggling his eyebrows at Louis and Harry.

“Trust me you idiot I don’t have a single drop of brotherly feeling for Harry, and I have it on good authority he feels the same about me. As a matter of fact he might be feeling non brotherly right now,” Louis squirms on Harry’s lap, and wiggles his eyebrows back at Zayn.

“Hey, I’m eating over here!” Niall exclaims at the same time Liam yells, “Gross!” 

Harry collapse against Louis’ back with laughter, and Zayn looks shocked before he makes a gagging sound. “Remind me never to joke around with a pervert. Think I’ve lost my appetite,” he pouts.

“Serves you right, now pass the syrup,” Louis laughs as he allows Harry to feed him a melon chunk. He frowns with concern when Zayn winces as he sits back down after lifting to pass him the syrup. “You may really have to get that checked out mate," he says as he cuts a piece of toast in bite size pieces for him and Harry to share. 

“You should really get Liam to work it out. He’ll poke and prod until you’re all better, and if he can’t fix it you definitely need to see a doctor,” Harry suggests, partly because the fitness buff really had helped him out once when his back had been bothering him, but mostly because he wants to see how Liam and Zayn react to the suggestion.

“Oh look how cute, Liam’s blushing. Guess you're another one who can’t take a compliment,” Niall teases with a mouth full of French toast and whipped cream.

“Shut it Niall,” Liam retorts, attacking his fruit with his fork after taking a quick look at Zayn who's gulping down his entire glass of juice.

Both reactions tell Harry all he needs to know. He doesn’t know how Niall and Louis are missing it, but something definitely happened between Zayn and Liam last night. It doesn’t take much of a guess to know what that something was considering Zayn can hardly sit down. No matter how obvious it is to him Harry's not about to put his friend's on the spot. Even if Liam and Zayn weren't acting so weird he still wouldn't do it.

“Well Harry I guess it’s true what they say, yeah?" Zayn asks.

“And what would they be saying Zayn?” Harry frowns, remembering the similar question Louis asked him..

“That it’s a thin line between love and hate,” Zayn smirks then asks, “What too soon?” when Liam shouts “Zayn!” and Niall punches him in the arm. Louis looks at him like he’s sprouted two heads.

Harry just smiles at him. “Yeah I guess it is Zayn. A really thin line,” he adds, slotting his and Louis' fingers together. “At least in our case it was.”

“Sap,” Louis murmurs, and Zayn rolls his eyes.

“I’ll be whatever you want Louis,” Harry vows with his head buried in Louis’ neck.

“Just want you to be mine,” Louis responds, turning his head to speak directly into Harry's ear.

“I am. Always,” Harry whispers back. He spears a piece of toast with his fork, feeding it to Louis before taking a bite for himself. He glances around the table, and thinks maybe it is possible to move forward. The man he loves with every ounce of his being loves him back, and he has the best bandmates and friends anyone could ever hope to have. He'll probably never be able to fully understand how he ever thought he hated the person who in the space of a few days has become his entire world, and he might not ever be able to forgive himself for the things he said to Louis, but he knows he has to try. He told Louis he'd fight anyone and anything for them, and he meant it. He just didn't know his guilty conscience would be the first thing he'd have to battle.

"I love you babe," Louis moves so he's looking in Harry's eyes. Love and understanding in his as he pulls Harry back from the darkness one more time.

Harry sighs and squeezes Louis' hand. Yeah he'll fight for them. Anyone and anything.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> I know it was way too cheesy, angsty, and mushy, but other than that I really hope it was okay. Thanks for reading!!!!!


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